


Choose

by kcm



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-12 23:04:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2127795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcm/pseuds/kcm





	Choose

I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He captivated me. Like a moth to a flame. I could pick his voice out of a crowd, could tell his silhouette from a distance among all the others. I knew him too well.

The problem was, he wasn’t my boyfriend. The other problem was that I was dating someone else. And the biggest problem was that that someone else was his band mate.

Liam and I had known each other for years. We met in school, and despite the craziness that had become his life since auditioning for x factor 4 years prior, we were still closer to each other than anyone else in our lives.

Liam was how I met my boyfriend, Louis. I had gone on the road to visit Liam during their first tour, and it was the first time I had spent any prolonged time with any of his new band mates. They were all quite nice lads, but one in particular seemed to get under my skin moreso than the others. Louis. He was a sassy, sarcastic heathen. Liam admitted early on that they did not get on at all when they first were put together in the group. So I had come into this little adventure with a certain notion of Louis based on this. And upon meeting him, I could see it. He always had a comeback, always had to have the last word, and was always trying to get a rise out of people. 

Admittedly, I kept my distance from him at first. But that didn’t last long. He has seemed to take a liking to following me around, asking me personal questions and just being an annoying little presence in my life. A couple weeks into tour, I was sitting on the bus with Liam when he turned to me.

“Can I ask you something?”

I didn’t looked up from my phone, frantically texting my friend back home on the goings on of tour life. “Hmmmm”

“What do you think of Louis?”

His question cause me to put my phone down. “What do you mean?”

He rubbed the back of his head, like he usually did when he was a little nervous. “I mean what do you think of him?”

I paused for a moment before shrugging. “I dunno. Hes a smartass. Always has a comeback for everything. And really needs to learn it is NOT ok to ask a girl if shes eating all this chocolate because ‘aunt flow’ is in town.”

Liam snorted. “Yeah, boundaries aren’t really his thing.”

“No shit”

He was quiet for a short while before speaking again. I had gone back to texting on my phone.

“I think he fancies you” he blurted out.

I dropped my phone, shocked.

“Are you on drugs? He makes a point to annoy me whenever he can. Im surprised hes not out here right now asking me what color my bra is!”

“Black.” Liam stated plainly before continuing, while I had a shocked expression as to how the fuck he would know what bra I had on. “But seriously, I think he fancies you. That’s why hes following you around so much.”

I turned back to my phone, feeling the redness creep into my cheeks.

“So what do you think?” Liam pressed, not letting the conversation drop.

“I don’t know.” I said, not meeting his eyes. “Hes cute. I guess he can be charming when hes not pissing me off. But I think you’re wrong about this one.”

I felt his eyes on me for a long while, mine still glued to my phone, avoiding the embarrassment. He said nothing more on the topic, but the next day, during one of Louis marathon piss off sessions, he surprised me by asking me out. And I surprised myself by accepting.

That was three years ago. Now all the things that annoyed me, I loved. His sass kept me in stitches, and he was truly one of the most beautiful, caring, loving people I had ever met. I loved him with all my heart, and planned on spending the rest of my life with him.

But even then, I couldn’t help but notice how over the last few months my eyes lingered on Liam longer than necessary. How I could pick him out of the crowd quicker than my own boyfriend. How sometimes at night I wondered how it would be if we were laying there together, a different set of arm around me. 

I hated myself for those thoughts. Chalking some up to the fact I had known him so long and honestly knew him better than I knew myself. But the others, the ones that were a little more R rated, I had no excuse for. 

Liam had recently broken up with his latest girlfriend, Sophia, and had turned to me as he had with any past relationship since we met. I knew what to say, I knew how to help him through it. I was his friend.

A friend who felt myself falling for him while in the arms of his best friend.

But what I also couldn’t deny was how I saw him look at me. Looking through the crowd and picking me out. Finding reasons to touch me in ways that were a little less friend and a little more…..more. And the way his face would turn to stone whenever Louis could kiss me. 

I told myself over and over it was just my confused feelings manifesting into me seeing what I thought I wanted to see. Transference. I remembered that from psychology class. I was transferring my fucked up feelings onto Liam, while trying to hide everything I was feeling from Louis. 

I hated everything.

We were currently on the latest tour, which was taking the boys to stadiums all over the world. It was their biggest tour yet, and their popularity had met no bounds. By now I had a role on the tour as photography assistant, allowing me to not only spend all my time with the people I loved most, but get paid for it doing something I loved. I was so proud of them I could burst, but at the same time, I wanted nothing more than to be alone with Louis. To be able to reconnect and remind myself that I am his. No other. And if I was being honest, I wanted a little space from Liam and how his eyes always had a way of burning right through me.

We were backstage in Charlotte, North Carolina. The tour was coming to a close, and the feeling was a mixture of sadness, fatigue and relief. I was on the couch, my feet up on the table, Harry and Niall throwing raisins across the room at each other trying to get them in each others mouths. Louis was in the makeup chair, while Zayn was having his hair done. It was typical pre show folly at this point, just fucking around before the show started. The crowd could be heard booming through the arena, but only if you listened. By now, we were immune. 

Liam came and plopped himself down beside me. He had been acting more distant with me in recent weeks, and although it concerned me, for some reason, I didn’t trust myself approaching him on the subject.

“Whatacha doing, K?”

I rubbed my tired eyes, not getting nearly enough sleep the night before thanks to a hyper, and horny, Louis.

“Im so fucking tired.” I said, my blue eyes cloudy with fatigue. I felt Liams arm reach across my shoulders, pulling me into his side. I tucked my head into his chest, feeling much more comfortable in this position than I should. 

“Aw, poor, Krysten, not getting enough sleep?” he teased, tucking my dark hair behind my ear.

I couldn’t help but feel my heart flutter at the contact, quickly mentally scolding myself. I just nodded in response.

“That would be my fault.” Louis said, throwing himself down on the couch on the other side of me from Liam. “At least she wasn’t tired and complaining last night.” He quipped, wiggling his eyesbrows at us.

I sat up quickly, pulling myself from Liams arms, but not before I felt him go rigid. Smacking Louis on the arm, I yelled. “Shut UP Louis. Keep some stuff to yourself once in a while!”

Louis laughed, leaning over to kiss my forehead before getting back up to replace Zayn in Lou’s chair to get his hair quaffed for the show.

I glanced at Liam from the corner of my eye, ignoring the laughs from Niall and Harry at my expense. Liams face was impassive. But I knew better. I had known him almost 10 years. That was his mad face. 

He stood quickly, exiting the room in the flurry. I looked around at everyone else, waiting to see their reactions, hear their comments on his behavior. Niall and Harry had now included Zayn in their raisin toss, while Louis bickered with Lou. They hadnt even noticed Liams hasty, and angry, departure.

I sat for several minutes weighing my options. Do I go after him? I should, as his friend, find out if hes ok, and why hes upset. But at the same time, part of me was terrified to find out why. But another part wanted to know. A greedy, hopeful part wanted to know if he was feeling the way I was. 

I found myself walking down the back halls of the stadium, headed to where I knew I would find him. Where he always retreated to when he needed a little alone time.

Pulling open the bus door, I hopped up inside just in time to see Liam throw a violent punch at the mini fridge door. It dented slightly, and he quickly ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He hadnt noticed me yet, but I stood silently watching him. 

He stood there, rocking back and forth on his heels, deep, angry breaths coming in quick puffs. Finally he looked up, noticing me for the first time. His expression would have been comical in different circumstances.

We stood silently, staring at each other, neither seeming to know what to say.

Finally, I decided it would have to be me to break this tension.

“Whats going on with you?” I blurted, a little more direct than all the times I had imagined this confrontation going in my head.

Liam didn’t answer. He just stood there, looking at me with the most pained, frustrated, and hopeless expression I had seen on his face in all our years. 

I walked up to him slowly, stopping only a few strides away from him. 

“Li,” I said, my voice quieter than I had planned. “Talk to me.”

Liam closed his dark eyes, taking a deep breath. Running his hands over his face roughly, I started to yell.

“You want me to talk to you?” He shouted, his tone hurt. “Do you have any fucking idea how badly I WANT to talk to you about this? But I fucking cant. The one person I tell fucking everything to I cant even tell this to. And it fucking drives me insane.”

I took one more small step towards him, and to my hurt, he took a step back. I stopped my approach. “You can tell me anything.” I urged. My heart pounding, my stomach in knots, my brain telling me to shut the fuck up and leave him alone, but my heart standing its ground.

Liam laughed a merciless laugh. It was foreign in his voice. “Oh yeah?” I mocked, looking me dead in the eye. “You sure about that?”

I nodded.

He was quiet for a moment, seeming to weigh his choices. Finally, without warning, he crossed he space between us in one long stride, grasping my face firmly in his hands, and crashing his lips to mine. 

My brain was screaming a mixture of ‘STOP’ and ‘FUCKING HELL HE CAN KISS’. And I couldn’t stop my body from reacting to him. All those nights I thought about what it would be like to kiss him like this. To have him touch me like this. To feel the kind of passion from him I knew was there. 

When I responded to him, he took full advantage. He turned us slightly, pushing me back against a nearby wall, his body pressing mine forcefully against the cool surface. My hands had found their way to his neck, pulling him closer, when I knew I should be stopping him. 

But I didn’t. I didn’t stop him, and honestly couldn’t have even if I tried.

He forced his tongue into my mouth with little resistance from me, deepening our kiss. He groaned into my mouth, my heart stuttering at the sound. 

After several heated, long, passionate moments, he pulled back, pressing his forehead to mine. Our breathing was fast, ragged. It was if we had run a marathon. And I was no runner.

Forcing his eyes into my eyeline, he stroked his thumb over my cheek. “That is what I couldn’t tell you.”

I left something boil up inside me. All the months of thinking about him, desiring him, wanting to feel him, took over my better judgement and I found myself pulling him back down to me before I could let myself think too deeply. 

I pressed my lips to his firmly, forcefully, winding my fingers in his short hair and arching my back to push myself against him further. He followed suit, pressed me back against the wall again, a moan leaving his mouth and dispersing into my own. 

I kissed him with all the hunger and desperation I had in me. He met me with the frantic actions of a man given one day to live. His hands reached down to my waist, squeezing gently before reaching around to pull my shirt over my head. This was the moment I should have stopped him. But I didnt. I let him free me of my shirt, before quickly reaching down and grasping the hem of his to pull it up and over his head. 

I had seen him shirtless countless times. His defined abdomen with a sprinkling of dark hair leading down to his pelvis, still hidden behind his jeans. But for some reason, seeing him half naked now made my mouth water and my stomach tighten. I wanted him. Almost desperately. He leaned forward to kiss me again, but I pulled back. His eyes widened, afronted at the refusal, and I quickly reassured him with a smirk as my hands reached down to the button on his jeans. With a sharp pull, they undid, and i slowly slipped them down his hips, bringing myself to my knees in the process. 

Liam stepped out of his jeans, kicking them aside, looking down at me kneeling in front of him with a look of anticipation and something else I couldnt place. I let my eyes leave his and looked at his thinning clothed crotch. He was already hard, and the bulge in his boxers made my mind fall back to all the fan comments about Liams size. They always wondered, speculated. Called him the 10 inch. It made me laugh at the time. Now it made me anticipate. Before I could lose my nerve, I reached up and quickly rid him of the thin layer that separated us. He sprung free, and immediately my eyes widened. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. 

So yeah.....the rumors were true. 

I guess the look on my face showed my sudden shock, because LIams hand came down to my cheek, forcing my eyes to his. 

"You dont have to do this, you know." 

I looked at him for a short moment before my eyes fell back to his mid section. I knew I didnt have to. I also know I shouldnt. Really really really shouldnt. But the more dominant part of me wanted to. So fucking badly. To feel him stretch me and fill me completely. 

With that thought dominating my mind, I leaned forward and took his tip in my mouth. The hand on my cheek fell into my hair, his head tipping back as a sigh left his lips. I swirled my tongue, while lowering my head further, then further again, taking as much of him in as I could. It wasnt much, and I brought my hand up to accommodate the rest of him. 

The noises coming from above me urged me on, dipping my head deeper, taking him as deep as I could. His hands wound in my hair, his pelvis jerking forward, forcing himself down my throat, causing me to gag slightly. I recovered, and continued on my task, the growling from his throat coming louder the longer I went. Finally, he reached down, grasping my arms. I resisted, until he pulled harder, my mouth releasing him with a pop. 

His lips were on mine, devouring me, while his hands worked at the button on my jeans. Once open, his hands slipped down the back of them, grasping my ass, before sliding them down along with my knickers. I didnt get a chance to kick them aside before he had lifted me out of them and into the air, pressing me back against the wall, my legs wrapping around him. I felt him at my entrance, and knew this was it. This was the moment of truth, of whether or not I would let his go to a place that there was no turning back. 

He pulled his mouth from mine to look at me, as if he was thinking the same thing, knowing that if we did this, nothing would ever be the same. My eyes on his, I leaned forward and kissed him gently, silently telling him it was ok. 

I left him push into me, the sharp contrast of him and Louis evident the second he had even started to enter me. Louis was decent in size, dont get me wrong, but this was different. I cried out, my eyes squeezing shut, as he pressed himself deeper. Then deeper. I felt as if I was going to tear in two, mentally trying to make myself relax. Liam kissed my lips, my cheeks, my nose. Any part of me to try and ease the pressure I felt. It didnt really help. 

I thought to myself 'jesus, how much farther in can he go?', before finally he stilled, the feeling of him deeper than anything I had ever experienced. He didnt more for a long moment, his breathing slow and even as I accommodated. Finally, I opened my eyes and met his. This seemed to be the signal he needed to move. He started slowly, a gentle rock of his hips, while I tried to calm my breathing around him. But it wasnt long before he was pounding into me, slamming me into the wall at my back, filling me like nothing I ever thought was possible. I was moaning sounds I didnt know I could make, while he groaned and buried his face in my neck. My nails racked down his shoulder, while his hand pressed my hips closer to his pelvis, filling me even that little bit more. 

I felt the familiar sensation in my abdomen just as he said "Fuck, babe, Im close." I could only nod in agreement. I had no breath left to form words. 

With a final curl of his hips, he buried into me one last time, forcing my release. I clenched around him, swearing like I never had before, forcing his own climax only seconds after. 

We stayed pressed against the wall, coming down from our highs, for a while. He didnt even seem fatigued, holding me the way he was. Finally, he pulled back slightly, disengaging himself from me painfully, allowing me to slide to the floor. My legs felt like rubber, and I had a hard time standing upright. His forehead fell to mine, eyes meeting, before planting a gentle kiss to my lips with a smile. 

The moment his lips left mine, Louis came into my mind like a wrecking ball. LOUIS. What had I done. Regardless of all my fantasizing, and harmless wondering, I had always been able to sleep at night knowing I had done nothing wrong. I never acted on my thoughts, and at the time never thought I would.

Now standing here in the arms of one man I knew I loved, while the one I was also equally in love with was only down a short hall, I felt myself crumble.

Liam seemed to sense my internal turmoil, bringing his hands from my face to my arms.

“Im sorry.” He said, softly. “I know this isn’t right. This is my fault, but I couldn’t help it.” I took a small step back, giving me some space. “Do you have any idea how it kills me to see you with him? To know the one person I love more than anything is in the arms of my best friend?”

I couldn’t speak. But I felt the warmth of a tear sliding down my cheek.

“I am sorry, Krysten. I truly am. I should never have put you in this position.”

Neither of us said anything for a long while. Just staring at each other. So many thoughts raced in my mind, it was hard to choose what to actually voice. Tell him how you feel. Tell him he was wrong to put you in this position, you tempt you. You cant be mad at him for tempting you, if you weren’t tempted in the first place.

I quickly reached down and began to gather my clothes, dressing quickly. Liam watched me for a moment, before following suit. Neither of us said a thing, and I didnt let myself look at him. Finally dressed, I ran my fingers through my hair a few times just as LIam finished doing up his jeans. 

My mind was racing, as I knew his was, when the door to the bus opened and Louis hopped up inside.

He seemed oblivious to the scene in front of him, stepping up with a happy smile. 

It broke my heart.

“Payno, we go on stage in 10 minutes. Get your ass back in there.” He teased, reaching down and taking my hand. I looked down at our linked hands, the feeling suddenly foreign. 

Liams eyes followed mine, locking onto my hand entwined in Louis. When his eyes came back to mine, they had steeled. Putting up the wall I now knew he had been building for who knew how long.

“Com’on love, Cal has been looking for you.” Louis said, pulling me weakly from the bus.

Just as I was about to stepped down, following Louis from the bus, I turned, my eyes locking with Liam. 

He looked broken. Im sure I did too. Because what was how I felt. Broken. Torn between two incredible men, who I loved more than life, but knew no matter what I did I would hurt one. 

Turning back to look at Louis, as he stood at outside the bus door, reaching a hand towards me, it was like a sign. 

Do I walk towards him, to the life I had been planning with him for 3 years? Or do I stay on this bus and take a leap of faith with the man I had somehow fallen for despite everything I knew to be wrong.

I looked back and forth a few times, my heart and mind both surprisingly silent. One foot faced towards the stairs. The other angled to stay on board.

I didn’t know what to do. I had never felt this way. I didn’t want to feel this way, and more than anything, didn’t want to hurt either one of them. 

I closed my eyes, feeling again the warm tears coming down my face without warning.

And I took a step.


End file.
